Well, here we are… the bridge between July and August has come. While growing up, this always meant a celebration. You see, July 31st is my mom’s birthday (1942-2004) and the 1st of August is my dad’s birthday (1940).
In their honor, I share a message I recently listened to from Chip Ingram on his radio program, Living on the Edge. The series on the Ten Commandments was entitled God’s Boundaries for Abundant Living. Part II of his message, “A Word to Families in an Age of Chaos,” dealt with the fifth commandment: Honor thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long (Exodus 20:12).
“To honor” – to respect, to speak well of, wanting to please – I do.
Here’s Ingram’s outline:
I. What does it meant to “honor” your parents?
II. Why did God give this command?
III. What does it look like to “honor” our parents?
IV. Are there times when we can’t honor our parents?
V. Application questions
I. What does it mean to “honor” your parents?
A. Definition: “Honor” literally means “to be heavy, glorify, to ascribe value and worth, to respect, to hold in high regard.”
B. How is this word used in the Old Testament; the exact same Hebrew word and same form?
1. Leviticus 10:3 – awe, respect, fear as in given to God
2. Deuteronomy 23:19 – praise, enhancing the reputation of, speaking well of
3. 1 Samuel 2:29-30 – wanting to please, wanting to obey someone in a relationship
II. Why did God give this command?
A. The family is the foundation for human relationships.
1. The family is the glue of humanity; as the family goes so goes the nation
2. Biblical definition of family? A man and a woman in a monogamous, covenant (vs. contractual)* relationship for life and their offspring, both natural and adopted
B. The family is the foundation for respect of authority
1. Latin word for “parent” means “in loco Deo,” “in the place of God.”
2. Learning to obey a parent (in loco Deo) whom they can see, helps them to obey a God they cannot.
C. The family is the foundation of human development.
1. Sociologists agree that the most socializing agent in the whole world is the family (for better or worse).
2. The family gives us our views of self, of life, our sense of being loved, of self-esteem, sexual intimacy, and moral values.
III. What does it look like to “honor” our parents?
A. As a child… I honor my parent by obeying them.
1. Upon hearing their word, I do what they say.
2. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-4).
3. The only commandment given specifically to children in the Bible – obedience.
4. Three elements:
a. Immediate (“Delayed obedience is disobedience” Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo)
b. Complete (Matthew 21:30-32)
c. With a good attitude
B. As a young person… I honor my parents by respecting and cooperating with them.
1. Honoring looks different as we grow. There is a maturity and growth toward independence, but I am still in my parent’s home or care (ex: away at college)
2. Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old (Proverbs 23:22).
If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness
(Proverbs 20:20).
C. As an adult… I honor my parents by affirmation and provision.
1. How do I affirm my parents?
a. By your godly character and life
The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son
will be glad in him (Proverbs 23:24).
b. By your actions, how you communicate thoughtfulness (ex: cards, letters, and calls)
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,when it is in your
power to do it (Proverbs 3:27).
c. By making requests (ex: asking for prayer, asking their advice). You don’t have to necessarily always take their advice, but ask what they think. One can be in a wheel chair and still give counsel.
2. Provision?
a. Non-nogotiable. Along with all other plans one makes, make financial and
mental plans to provide for the welfare of one’s parents in their latter years.
But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God (1 Timothy 5:4).
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8)
b. Note to parents: Since our children will be morally responsible for our care, we should consider how we can prepare for those years so we don’t wipe our children out, asking how can I set my life up in such a way that I’m not too much of a burden?
IV. Are there times when we can’t honor our parents? Four things that take priority:
A. The priority of salvation – in putting our faith in Christ, we may need to go against the desires and wishes of our parents (Matthew 10:34-35).
B. The priority of service. Not in a hypocritical or overly-spiritualized manner (ex: Matthew 15:1-9), but there are times when we are called to serve God and leave house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for the Lord’s sake and for the gospel (Mark 10:29-30).
C. The priority of marriage. When a parent would seek to put a wedge between their child and their spouse. Ingram: “If you want to pit me against my wife, hear me, you lose. If you want a relationship with me, it’s me, my wife, and our family; if you want it with me alone, you lose it all” (Ephesians 5:31-33).
D. The priority of wisdom (Proverbs 9:7-9).
1. At times we may need to honor the office of the parent, but we must protect our family (ex: if the parent is a mocker, is hostile, has an affecting alcohol or drug addiction, will swear or drink in front of grandchildren, does not filter media content, manipulates, etc.)
2. It may be necessary to in effect say, “Look; the door is always open, but until this is resolved, we won’t be back.” Then pray.
V. Application questions, adapted
A. Reflect on why God makes the family such a high priority?
B. What are the temptations to interpret the fifth commandment in light of our culture’s view of both authority and aging?
C. Consider about which aspects of “honoring” your parents do you feel good. Which aspects need some attention? How will you address these?
D. Where do you find it difficult to know exactly what honoring your parents look like? Of what might Scripture or the body of Christ inform you?
* Thank you to Pastor Dave Monreal for distinguishing between a contractual (legal) agreement and a covenantal relationship in his 06.23.13 sermon “The True Design for Marriage” (10:00). Biblical marriage is meant to be a covenantal relationship, but many in our day treat it only as a contractual agreement.
A contractual agreement is a legal understanding. Winston Smith in his book Marriage Matters identifies a contract as a formal agreement “to give to get.” It is often put into place to manipulate others or to assure fair play. It conveys, “If you do your part, I’ll do mine.”
In contrast, a covenant marriage is entered as two people make vows to each other before the Lord; they willingly invite the Lord into their public agreement. Their vows, then, are a pledge to self and a vow before God, regardless of how one’s spouse responds in that circumstance. It is a pledge of sacrificial love.